The Critic vs. Family Guy: An Unobjective Analysis

I'm really, really dating myself by making this statement, but here goes: The Critic was, and will always be one of my favorite television shows. A surprising number of people considerably younger than me (some of you would have been seven when this show was actually running) are aware of this show and enjoy it as well.

Go here and see a good example of what I'm talking about.

This show was taken off the air after only two seasons. There was a time when I would have said that it was easy to see why that happened: the show's frequent cut-away jokes became increasingly more hit-or-miss, and a lot of people couldn't quite get with it. My opinions on this have changed quite a bit, my understanding of this show's early demise being slowly replaced by bitterness and irritation.

Why? Because Family Guy has taken the things that made the prior unique and interesting and paid no dues. Essentially, I invite you all to my atomic piss-ranting at any and all Family Guy fanboys (the fact there even is such a thing makes me want to jump off a fucking cliff) in a point-by-point deconstruction, using The Critic as a comparison.

The Staffs. This is not totally fair just yet, since Family Guy is still running, and The Critic's last episode premiered in 1995, but take a look at some of the genuine talent this show had:

• Voicework: Jon Lovitz, Nancy Cartwright (The Simpsons), Maurice Lamarche (numerous cartoon credits, including Animaniacs), Christine Cavanaugh
• Creators: Al Jean and Mike Reiss, James L. Brooks (producers of The Simpsons)
• Music: Hans Zimmer (the guy who did "Pirates of the Carribean")
• Animation supervisor: Brad Bird (you know, that guy who does PIXAR now)

How about Family Guy?

• Voicework: Seth McFarlane in several different roles, Seth Green in several different roles with barely any variation on his voice, Mila Kunis (the girl from That 70's show), Adam West (they get points for this, actually)
• Creators: Seth McFarlane (has gone to do several other projects, all of which involve basically the same group of people that does Family Guy with him)
• Music: Ron Jones and Walter Murphy (not going to dog them... they do good work)
• "Animation" supervisor: some fucking idiots.

How very underwhelming. Have you noticed that none of the people currently involved with Family Guy really do anything else, and haven't for quite some time? There's a reason that they started doing this show after it got cancelled again: nobody else fucking wanted these talentless hacks.

Humor. I understand that The Critic had some gags fall flat, especially in its second season. But compare that to Family Guy, whose writing team simply HAS to look something like this:

Here's a clip from The Critic.

Here's one from Family Guy.

Now here's a comparison of that last one versus the source material.

I find myself asking this a lot: WHERE IN THE NAME OF FUCK IS THE JOKE?

Ask the people in the photo above, because I don't know. For the people who like Family Guy, pointing out pop culture references with no actual punchline apparently qualifies as comedy. Pat yourselves on the back, you worthless mutants, because someone just appreciated the vast expanses of your intellect! And for you Family Guy fans, "intellect" means smarts.

The Critic died a dignified death, Family Guy gave us THIS:

I was going to write more, but now I think I'm just going to let that one speak for itself. Christ almighty.