If Everyone Was Super, No One Would Be

There's something really annoying about a lot of people. It seems that there's a set of things that people think that they are good at, and no amount of evidence to the contrary will ever make them think otherwise. Here's a brief analysis of some of those things, in no real particular order:

Singing. You are not Mariah Carey. She has a four-octave range (or something) and despite the fact that nearly every one of her songs is aural eczema, she can sing. All you really need to do is watch the early episodes of American Idol for examples of this phenomenon. Hell, I'm sure you know someone who is like this. For some reason there's a lot of people out there who think that they are fantastic singers, despite professionals telling them they are garbage (American Idol again), and often rightfully so. I think the reason behind this is that if you play a musical instrument, for example, you really can't fool anyone. You have to spend the time to learn how to play the instrument well, or even to get a note out of it. Theoretically, every human has the ability to create different pitches with their voices. This is where tragedy begins, though, because most people who think they are good singers when in fact they are massive idiots all have one thing in common: they can't carry a God damned tune. Don't insult my intelligence. You suck at singing.

Poetry. Here, I wrote this haiku for you:

Haiku is easy
There is an obvious form
Please just stick with that

There is form to poetry, even when it doesn't rhyme. Oh, and contrary to popular belief, free verse is a lot more difficult than poetry that rhymes. Simply put, if you are writing a poem in free verse, it had damned well be worth saying. Screw that... if you are writing poetry at ALL, it better be worth reading. This is usually not where people fail, though. Most things people write bad poetry about are a good source of inspiration: love, nature, family, musings, etc. The problem is that poetry takes a certain amount of skill with words. Poetry should be like painting with words. More often than not most people just paint with whatever they found in a used Kleenex. This is why I don't attempt poetry anymore. I'm no damned good at it.

Music criticism. I don't have much to say about this that I haven't already said. There is a general rule of thumb that you should use whenever you talk about music to someone else.

If you can't write a song yourself, you have no business telling others what you think is good.

To be fair, I think most human beings have the potential to write songs. Moreover, I think that every once in a while they'll be pretty good. If you have never attempted to do so, shut up. Don't expect to have people agree with you on your appreciation of The Strokes if you don't know what a bridge is (no, it's not something you use to get across a river). And you BETTER not get down on others for their tastes.

Driving. I suck at driving. I know this. If you have ever pulled out in front of someone without realizing it, cut someone off, have been legitimately honked at, YOU SUCK AT DRIVING. It's okay, we can't all be Emerson Fittipaldi. But I recently read somewhere that over 65% of the populace considers themselves good drivers. Based of what I've seen, 65% of the populace is full of copious amounts of doo-doo. You WILL be a better driver once you realize that there's room for improvement. Trust me.