One Last Effort

If there's one thing I've learned in my time on this earth, it's that people are pretty much hopeless. You need not look any further than fans of Larry the Cable Guy or Dane Cook for affirmation of this sad truth. I've been alive long enough that I'm near the halfway point of existence, and that's sobering. It means that I have yet to make a mark that I consider satisfactory. Some of you can try and convince me that I've affected you somehow, but that's a load of crap because two things have not happened: I have not flown first class, and I have not had a threesome (or possibly more, I'm not picky). I know that you all think I'm joking when I use one or both of those as benchmarks, but trust me: anyone who has scored a threesome has done something right in their life and should feel proud.

Back to my original point, however. Imagine you are on a date, and this conversation happens:

Person one: "So, tell me a little about yourself."
Person two: "Well, I'm really into dance music, and I love the works of Danielle Steele."

Two things here. First, if you are a guy and a woman has ever said the preceeding sentence to you, RUN THE FUCK AWAY. If you are a woman and a man has said that to you, RUN AWAY EVEN FASTER. Second, you haven't said a God damned thing about who you are. You've merely told me things that you do for fun. Every single asshole on earth has said this. Whether you are an avid fan of Tila Tequila or Kurt Vonnegut, you have tried to pass these interests off as a personality trait.

Now, therein lies the problem. I know people who consider themselves big fans of Chuck Palahniuk. Some of them are good people, and some of them should be beaten to death with rotten deer corpses. That doesn't define the kind of person you are. It may say that you enjoy reading fiction about people who are impossibly fucked-up and look down on you, the reader, for it. That's it. There's nothing on the inside jacket of a Curious George book saying "All readers of this book are inquisitive by nature, and enjoy rough bondage during sex." To be fair, though, it would kick ass if they did.

Basically, I'll find out enough about your tastes as I get to know you better. I know people who enjoyed the movie "Glory Road" and while I think that particular film is abysmally stupid and obtuse, I'm not going to immediately file fans of the film as abysmally stupid or obtuse. They'll do that on their own. Want to know what will happen if you fall victim to pidgeonholing people based on their interests?

THIS.

That's right, you become a PhD whose doctorate is cleary in Lossofperspectiveology. Oh, and my sincerest apologies to Joseph Campbell. I'm sure you didn't want to get drug into all of this.