Truth Nuggets

• Lewis Black said it best when he said that the teachings of Jesus Christ may make you into a better person, but just because you follow the teachings of Jesus Christ doesn't mean that you're immediately a wonderful human being. KNOW THIS.
• People who make a joke about something on the internet and then follow it up with "LOL" are endlessly irritating. Stop laughing at your own joke, you dipshits.
• If music is the language of emotion, then bad music must be the equivalent of shitting yourself after straining too hard to fart.
• If you enjoy something, it doesn't automatically mean that its creator is a genius. The guy who invented the word "hyperbole..." now THAT guy is a fucking genius.
• Take a little bit of pride in everything that you do. If you aren't proud of something you're doing then stop doing it. That seems pretty simple, right?
• Biz Markie once said "If it's gonna be this kind of a party I'm gonna stick my dick in the mashed potatoes." One of these days I will find a party that is that kind of party with mashed potatoes. It's hard to find parties these days with mashed potatoes, but when I do, I will hump the bowl.
• I've said it before, and I will sure as hell say it again: thinking you are a fantastic person is not arrogance, cockiness, or anything of the like. You cross the line into arrogance when you hurt others around you with your actions. Otherwise, go nuts.
• Sidebar to the previous bullet: this is why you hear me say "You're damned right I am" a lot.
• The older you get, the less it seems you know. This is why teenagers really fucking piss me off.
• Philosophers might have a lot of profound things to say about the nature of life and loyalty the day that the Cubs finally win the World Series.